(The following is to be rapped in the style of The Beastie Boys in honor of the late, great MCA. Respect)

Listen up, kids, cuz I’m about to tell

A tale about the tasty snack you know so well:

It was the 1940′s, down in Mexico

Starring a maître d’ named Ignacio.

A group of 30 gringas were hungry and in town

And Mr. Nacho didn’t want to let them down

He fried up some tortillas, melted down some cheese

Topped it off with jalapeños and said, “Here you go, ladies.”

For almost seven decades, we all have to thank

Ignacio Anaya for a food so dank.

Nachos acquisition: phase 1

Nachos acquisition: phase 2

So, being quite the gringa myself, it wasn’t until a couple years ago that I found out firsthand that “Nacho” is a common nickname for Spanish-speaking men named Ignacio. I do find it a testament to Ignacio Anaya that his snack and nickname has received such global accolades that it overshadowed the true origin. I hope you clicked the Ignacio Anaya link and read his Wikipedia page ending in this splendid factoid: The International Day of the Nacho is observed chiefly by eating nachos. Why can’t Thanksgiving be more like the International Day of the Nacho?

My trip to the gas station was supposed to be delicious. I was sampling nachos, after all. But, I came, I cheesed and I conquered. Not that I am particularly happy about it. Mary was helpful checking me out swiftly and set me on my chip-eating way. Who likes a soggy nacho anyway? Just don’t ask Mrs. Anaya!

Here’s the part where I get very rude: the Mission tortilla chips are flavorless and bland, the cheese is lukewarm and tastes like nothing special. All jalapenos pictured above are the last of the jalapenos. The only way to make this meal at all palatable would be to scoop a pickled little pepper on every bite. Alas, there weren’t enough and this meal was added to the annals of nacho disappointment history.

Good nachos exist. Fast food nachos can be yummy. But a true nacho fan must search far and wide to find them. The perfect fast food nacho is my Mexcalibur and I am lonely Lancelot.

Nutrition Info: Are you kidding? I’m no masochist.