It’s good to be back! A rather hectic series of events  both at work and home resulted in my first-ever hiatus from you guys. I have actually been eating healthy foods. Greek yogurt, organic beef, vegetables. And you can’t write about that stuff because it’s not even interesting!

So what else could I do other than look for a sweet, delicious slice of marble cake on my first day back? Obviously, nothing.

Now, don’t try to find any background or history regarding this dessert on the Wikipedia marble cake page. Because it’s pitifully scant. So I will make up my own: Once upon a time an evil viscountess  was trying to poison her husband, the good viscount. She charged her head cook to poison his afternoon biscuits, but the head cook knew her master was a good man. She didn’t have the heart to do that to him and served him regular biscuits instead.

When the viscount was alive the next day, the viscountess headed to the kitchen to see the head cook while she was making that day’s desserts. She had two varieties, chocolate and vanilla, planned for the family’s guests. The viscountess beat and strangled the head cook, and in the kerfuffle, the chocolate batter was knocked into the vanilla and swirled around. Not sure how to explain this to her husband, the viscountess dragged the body out of the kitchen.

A member of the kitchen staff came by and saw the batter and empty pan, then took the liberty of pouring the cake mix into the proper receptacle and placing it in the oven. Once the cake was finished baking and sliced up, the kitchen staff was hesitant to serve the cake to the viscount and his guests; but with the head cook nowhere to be found, they decided to do so anyway. The cake was so good nobody remembered the head cook was even missing, and everybody lived happily ever after.

The End.

Okay, obviously I’m not very good at making up believable histories for cakes, but I hope that was entertaining. The Bon Appetit marble cake needs no lengthy narratives. It’s a block of swirled, squishy pastry that, albeit sweet, is rather moist. To me, marble cake always tastes polite. I enjoy that it’s spongy, springy and rather fluffy. But how does it stay so delicious in that packaging?!

For $1.79, this is a sizable dessert and, seeing as it’s a cake, the 430 calories are expected. I believe it was Marie Antoinette who said, “Let them eat cellulite!”

Nutrition Info (per slice)

*These calculations are based on a 2,000 calorie diet, which is indulgent and wholly unrealistic.